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Penthouse Column

by Dave Navarro on November 26, 2012

Post image for Penthouse Column

1. My neighbor below us has a penchant for late night, EXTREMELY loud and profane self pleasuring. How do I broach the subject without embarrassing her. I love sex and everyone’s right to creatively explore it, but when it interrupts my beauty sleep more often than not…it is a problem. Any advice is appreciated.

I have a couple ideas. For fun, try recording her one night and play it right back at her the next night. Maybe try the old tried and true banging on the floor with a broom handle. You could also use her enthusiasm to heat up your own bedroom as a soundtrack for you and your partner… Like an audio three way? No? If the goal is to not embarrass her I would simply call her up and tell her that her TV is too loud at night and ask if she would mind lowering the volume. She’ll get the picture.

2. How do you break up with someone you’ve been with for 10 years? Our relationship has never progressed, and when I try to break up with him he’ll punch himself in the face, act like he’s fainting and freaks me out to get back with him. I feel trapped and don’t want him to throw himself in traffic or something. What should i do?

What you should do is GTFO as soon as possible. First of all, you are unhappy and that should be enough reason right there, regardless of how long you have been in this thing. Secondly, what this guy does to himself is seriously not your problem and you have to let of of feeling guilty. He is a grown man and it is not your responsibility to keep him from doing something stupid. If anything, these are all signs that point to the fact that this is an unhealthy environment for you. The fact is that you have to take care of your needs as this relationship isn’t. This guy may hurt himself and the hard cold truth is that you just may have to learn to accept that fact. As it is, he is already emotionally taking out the two of you, move on and if he takes himself out as a result, at least it’s only one of you.

3. Why do men find anal sex more arousing then vaginal? I prefer both but men just gotta get that ass!

To begin with, I’m not so sure that’s true, but here it goes anyway. There is a whole level of psychological stimulus at play with anal that doesn’t exist with vaginal. Some find it to be a power trip, others enjoy the physical sensation while others just like the fact that is is dirty and wrong. By wrong, I mean wrong on a reproductive level, not on a moral level. Personally I don’t judge or GAF what people do. In fact, I am not certain of this, but humans may be one of the only animals to have discovered this hidden sexual gem. Maybe apes… who knows. Anyway some find it arousing, others don’t. It’s certainly not the most “romantic” thing in the world! It’s hard to imagine an anal scene in The Notebook. For me? I can take it or leave it. However, when I do indulge, I make sure my partner is aware of all the prep work. Nothing romantic or arousing about a huge mess. Anal Tip Of The Day For Beginners: Hotel Room!

4. I quit smoking and I have gained weight. I don’t feel sexy at all. I am working out, eating right but I still don’t love the person I see in the mirror. Any thoughts on how to keep things sexy in the bedroom when you don’t feel 100 percent yourself?

Well, it sounds like the one with the issue is you and your partner is fine with you just the way you are. If that is correct, your whole issue is in your head. Sex while thinking too much is always a bad idea. It should be an escape that brings the two of you closer. Try focusing your attention on your partner and stay away from your brain. It’s dangerous and scary in there! Quitting smoking, eating right and working out are huge life changes. Feel good about yourself for making those changes and find some esteem in that. Bring that positivity into your subconscious bedroom experience.

5. How come guys sometimes prefer to jerk off to porn when there in the same house with their girlfriend?

I think this is applicable to both genders. Sometimes people want a sexual escape without any emotional entanglements or communications. Sure there is a voyeuristic element of fantasy with watching adult films but the real trick here is understanding that sometimes your partner just wants a moment of disconnect for himself or herself alone. Much like mediation or working out, masturbation can be a fulfilling personal escape. With that in mind, it is easy to see why a personal escape can’t include anybody else. Plus, it’s not like you can pause or shut off your partner! Seriously though, personal time is a valued asset for anyone in a relationship, regardless of how they use it. There is a freedom in just pleasuring one’s self without having to pleasure someone else or emotionally interact.

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