1. One or two days without sex and it feels like I start the mission of getting laid. At what point would you consider it an addiction?
Well, my views on “sex addiction” aren’t popular among therapists and specialists so keep that in mind. I think that the use of the word addiction is too frequently attached to many behaviors these days. Then again, I personally view sex as one of the greatest things in the world and don’t see the problem with doing the greatest thing in the world as often as humanly possible! That said, I would say that as soon as one’s life becomes unmanageable, as a result of his or her behavior, that’s when a concern is appropriate. What’s unmanageable? In my mind it would be indulging in any behavior to the point where:
1. It affects the workplace and ultimately the successes and failures of you or your co-workers
2. Causes you to lie, cheat or hurt others emotionally, spiritually & physically
3. Keeps you away from the things in life you enjoy and wish you were doing
4. Puts your health or the health of others at risk
5. You know there are potential consequences as a result of your behavior yet you indulge anyway
6. Your self-esteem is dependent upon the acquisition of a desired sexual act
These are broad strokes but hopefully you get the idea. Psych Central describes sex addiction as the following: “Sexual addiction is best described as a progressive intimacy disorder characterized by compulsive sexual thoughts and acts.” If this is accurate then sign me up… Along with just about everyone I know. I kind of like my outline better. Are my guidelines simply a method that allows me to continue my behavior, provided I stay within the parameters? Perhaps. Is there somewhat of a moral code that works for me hidden within my views? For sure. Then again, I see nothing wrong with sexual experimentation, masturbation, pornography, BDSM, fetishes, one night stands and the like. I don’t believe we were given the tools and urges we were given only to deny them. Maybe I am merely justifying my own promiscuity, but you know what? That works just fine for me. As long as I don’t injure others or negatively effect the lives of those around me I am totally within the range of my own personal moral compass. I’m not saying I do this perfectly, I don’t think anyone can do anything perfectly. Thankfully, the “I’m only human” card can be presented at any time. (I keep a stack of them on me on a consistent basis.)
Looking at the phrase, “compulsive sexual thoughts and acts” I have to wonder what they mean, exactly. What’s a sexual thought anyway? People make all kinds of decisions based on sex/or attracting a sexual partner. Is that compulsive? If a woman buys a dress because she looks pretty in it, or a guy goes to the gym to lose weight in order to hopefully attract the right partner, is that compulsive? I mean, ultimately it breaks down to wanting to feel good about one’s self and feeling confident, right? And aren’t those qualities that make people attractive to one another? And when they are attractive to one another don’t they get physical in many cases? Compulsive and sexual thoughts. Most people I know break down everyone they meet and put them into one of two categories: 1. I would. 2. I wouldn’t. I don’t know if that is compulsive or human or just a by-product of living in sin but I know that I tend to do that as well. Maybe I am wrong and I am going to hell one day. At least I’ll be there with other like-minded women and the whole issue will be a non starter. Sounds better to me that sprouting wings and playing the harp while listening to a non stop choir as I prance from cloud to cloud. THAT sounds like hell! So it’ll be a little warm. We will all be naked anyway.
I suppose at the end of the day, what works for some may not work for others. Bear in mind, I am just discussing the concept of straight sex and sex addiction. Obviously my views shift dramatically in terms of relationships. If you are asking me, which the reader did in this case, I say have at it. Just watch out for the potential downward spiral. Be honest, up front and clear about your lifestyle choices. Try not to mislead anyone for your own selfish desires. If you are going to be a sex addict, then learn how to be what I call, a functioning sex addict. Personally, I haven’t quite mastered this but I do believe there is an attainable peace within reach… Much like what the Buddhists call consciousness. They meditate everyday to achieve their goals. Looks like I’ll have to practice my principles everyday to achieve mine.