1. What is your favorite condom and lube? Do you have favs for different situations?
A favorite? Hmmm. Durex seems to be the brand I reach for most often, but at the end of the day I really don’t care. To me, it’s like when I ask for a Diet Coke at a restaurant and they only have Diet Pepsi. I’m like, “Um, OK.” Guess I’m just happy to be in a situation that calls for a condom so ultimately what kind isn’t that big a deal. Every so often I’ll buy a bunch of different ones and randomly select a new type each time. As for lube, I really leave it up to the girls. Some like it some don’t. Not really my thing.
2. When is the right time to sleep with a guy? i don’t want to be thought of as easy if it’s too soon or seem like a prude if i wait too long. please help! i really like this guy and i don’t want to mess this up. thanks.
This is totally a personal call. Nobody can answer this for you. I don’t know your age, history or background so it would be irresponsible of me to suggest anything. “Having said that…”
3. How much to guys think about their current girl’s past history? Does it matter?
Interesting. I have come to learn that many do think about it quite a bit! Often, this is based on fear of not living up to an old ghost or being less than what you are used to. Ultimately it’s pretty useless, as one is the sum of their total past experiences and to love them would have to include loving what they have been through. It is, after all, part of who they have become today. I have noticed that many people, both men and women, tend to spend a great deal of energy on their partner’s past… How many people they have been with, who they have been with etc… Torturing themselves. It’s one of those subjects that nothing can be done about and the sooner you can accept it the better. Relationships require an awful lot of work as it is, no need to add extra pressure and stress, especially on something that cannot be changed. I had a friend who just couldn’t get past the idea of his girl with a specific person. I told him, “Better learn to deal with it and quick! Cause if you can’t, I can guarantee you that there is someone out there who will be happy to deal with it in your place.”
4. I’m due for surgery down in the umm..lower regions so to speak in a few months. This surgery will put me out of commission sexually for about 12 weeks. Is it wrong for me to feel absolutely guilty that I won’t be able to meet his needs at that time?
Well, they aren’t operating on your mouth too are they? HAHAHA! No need to feel guilty! This isn’t your doing and you are in a partnership. In fact, it is his responsibility to take care of YOUR needs while you recover. There are other ways of satisfying each other… Oral, masturbation etc… The important thing is that you get better and feeling guilt isn’t going to help either of you through this time.
5. Do you believe in having a soul mate? I think I do and have no rational basis for thinking so, but should I keep the faith? I feel childish for wanting to believe and I’m usually pretty practical/cynical so I wouldn’t readily admit to wondering about it.
I think I do. For all I know I may have already been with her. I’m not one of those people who think something has to last forever and ever to be successful. I would suggest to continue looking but don’t look so hard that you miss out on amazing people in the meantime. People can grow to be soul mates too. It’s nice to keep the dream alive and remain open to it, as long as you remember to live your life along the way.
Dark Matter: December 2
{ 24 comments }
Have you ever put a Dust Buster up to your balls?
Dave,
What is your favorite condom and lube? Do you have favs for different situations?
thanks!
becks
Maybe you can shed some light on this for me. I’m in the process of going through a divorce after 17 years of marriage, things between us had not been in a good place for a long time. I did try dating as soon as we separated but my head really was not in the right place. I have been open and honest with the men who have been asking me out by telling them I’m not dating, I’m just going out with friends (guys and girls) and having fun. How will I know when I’m ready?
when is the right time to sleep with a guy? i don’t want to be thought of as easy if it’s too soon or seem like a prude if i wait too long. please help! i really like this guy and i don’t want to mess this up. thanks.
how about doing the same but with guitar questions for us guitar geeks?!
The right time depends on the person. When the time is right, you usually get a gut feeling. It’s because of the chemistry.
How much to guys think about their current girl’s past history? Does it matter?
Do you believe in having a soulmate? I think I do and have no rational basis for thinking so, but should I keep the faith? I feel childish for wanting to believe and I’m usually pretty practical/cynical so I wouldn’t readily admit to wondering about it.
p.s. I think you’re doing a great job at this.
*I posted this on the wrong thingie…I’m sorry! Here’s the right one
I’m due for surgery down in the umm..lower regions so to speak in a few months. My husband wants me to put it off so he can be there for me during the recovery (He has the option to be away on a work related commitment). This surgery will put me out of commission sexually for about 12 weeks. Is it wrong for me to feel absolutely guilty that I won’t be able to meet his needs at that time? It’s a medically necessary surgery, but the guilt is still there you know?
last week my boyfriend was kicked in the groin and when we were intimate last night i noticed that his ” performance ” was off do you think it’s because he was kicked down there ? also he’s into bondage and he wants to tie me up and whatever but i do not know how to tell him that i am not into that kind of thing
I got two good ones!(as always!
)
1) Should I tell the girl that her technique is bad during BJ or should I just enjoy the ride?. I like it when they dont know what they are doing while my cock is in their mouth!
2) Now I made her finish and after couple of hours she is numb down there and horny as hell! And she wants me to use my hand techniques on her!! How the fuck can I achieve that?, G-spot is numb and out of order, and Im tired playing with those lips!;).
I really like that answer. Thanks Dave.
Not sure why I am asking these to you Dave, but I figure you must have a ton of experience compared to me, and wisdom in this subject. So here we go.
My husband wants to have sex a ton, which I have no problem with. The problem I have is he always wants to make it intense and go on forever. Sometimes I just need a quickie and other times I need extra attention on other areas of my body. I have explained this to him but he doesn’t seem to grasp that I don’t need sex every time to last hours. Any suggestions on how I can get through to him?
Another one if you don’t mind. He tries to bring dildos in to play every time as well, to use on me. He says he likes to watch and make me climax. Now my problem is that I prefer him and not the toys, again he doesn’t seem to grasp this idea either. What should I do?
Okay so there are my questions. But I would like to comment on the past partners answer you did. I totally agree on getting over it. My hubby as I tease him at times before me was a dirty slut. I have only been with him. First when we were dating I did think about it alot and finally talked to him about it. He answered any and all questions I had (which I had alot). But you know I finally figured if he still wanted anything like he had in the past he could ask first off, and secondly if he wanted anyone or anything else he wouldn’t be with me.
Thanks.
-H
Is it standard practice to give complements on oral skills? I’m really not bragging but I’ve gotten so many over the top compliments that it sounds like a line. Things like “That was AMAZING!! I never cum from oral!!!” Do guys say that to everyone?
-ss.
Okay I have to put in something about all the oral questions too. Hope no one minds but here are some tips from me personally.
DO NOT tell a girl she is bad at oral. Give her some tips instead, like “hey hun I bet it would feel real good if you used your hand too at the shaft”. Or something like that, also if she could pretend your manhood was a popsicle that works well too. If a girl has problems going deep if she does a constant swallowing thing that will help with gagging.
Also I have heard the “I never cum from a BJ”, but with some of the technics mentioned I became the first to make him actually cum from a BJ. Also maybe try the 69 position with the guy on top, it helps with the neck crinks, though you should have a pillow on both sides or your head where his knees will be. He can help too with movement speed and what not, just remind him not to get carried away on humpin your head basically.
Hope these help others too.
I want to know how that dustbuster to the balls worked out for Stan?
I met this guy on the internet, on our first date with him i felt I was so out of his league.
He seemed to take interest though holding my hand a great kiss goodnight. He started calling and texting me. I really started liking him as a person and physically. (we are both in our forties with teenage kids so we could not go back to either of our places) so on our next date we looked for a dark parking lot and just started making out. This lasted about
1 1/2 hours. His phone beeped he took me home and I did no hear from him for several days. I sent him a text asking if he met someone else or went back with his nurse. His response back was I have not gone back with anyone. It is just not there for me.. Dave, have you ever been in a situation where you just don’t care if they are not into you. or someone really wanted to stay int touch with you if you were not attracted to them. I just want to keep this person in my life even if just as friends but do not want to come across as a stalker. Do you have any advice how I can build a freindship here? I am not going to lie… I know if he gets to know me better and I get hotter he will want me as much as I want him.
What are your thoughts on Tiger Woods’ personal situation? Do have any advice for him?
Dave – thanks very much for answering my little sis/boyfriend question in Sex and Love 5. I didn’t think it was interesting enough for an answer, so I really appreciate you answering it. I know there is nothing I can do about the situation and I agree with your answer, I was interested to hear someone else’s view who had no connection with our family. I worry about her happiness as I come across the more extreme versions of physical/psychological abuse in my job (something similar to a CSI, but with less pay, no designer clothes, fewer models and more sweaty white scene suits and ‘duck’ masks!) so the last thing I want to see is it happening in my family.
Thanks again……………………………………………………………………………………SB
Dave,
What are your thoughts on long distance relationships? I’m seeing a girl who lives about 90 min away, I like her alot, but it’s hard only seeing her a couple days a month if that. On top of that, she has a lot of guy friends, and her hanging out with a bunch of dudes all the time makes me uneasy. Have any advice?
I suffer from Premature Ejaculation, any advice? It’s ruining every relationship I have and I can’t seem to get past it.
I would like to know if you can tell me how to enter the SMBD community. I am only interested in bondage scenes, played very strictly to agreement. I’m not interested in any sort of relationship outside a scene. I’m married and don’t care to frequent clubs, bars, etc. It would be great if my husband would participate, but he doesn’t appreciate the significance of bondage, i.e.- not really that into it -and I want to play with someone who is REALLY into it. As far as I can gather, there are dominatrix for hire, (I’m not particular about gender), but, just off hand, I can’t find much information about what is available locally. Failing that, can you say anything about what is safe and reputable in Las Vegas (I guess what I mean is, do you have any recommendations). Thanks.
A great couple of websites to check for information and finding local groups.
*submissiveguide.com – run by Luna. She will give you plenty of information on what, where, how to negotiate and protect yourself.
*fetlife.com – a wonderful Lifestyle/Social Site (NOT a dating or hookup Site) that would point you towards people in your area and groups.
If you head to Vegas go into The Rack and ask the folks there what is available and where you could find places to play that will suit your needs. They’re very well respected in the BDSM community and I’ve dealt with them quite a bit.
Of course, Rigging, Shibari, Kinbaku (rope play) seems daunting at first, but it’s not, really. Just some practice and study. Any of the books by the Two Knotty Boys, Lee Harrington (passionandsoul.com) and Midori will teach you pretty much anything you would need to know for most situations. Sit down with one of those with your Husband and see what he thinks. If not interested, there are plenty of talented rope folk out there.
Enjoy!
If you don’t have a preferred condom that means you’re really missing out. I mean if you have to use them, get ones that at least feel somewhat natural. The one I like is a non-latex synthetic condom that is made in Colombia, it is called condom card and it is shaped like a credit card and fits into your wallet just like that. You get half as many and pay 4X’s as much but they are the best and every guy that has tried them is converted for life.
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