Sex & Love 5

1. How do you deal with rejection? How long do you wait before you find the nerve to ask someone out again? Do you tell yourself you’re still a good person and you have worth even if others are too shallow or too blind to see it?

Rejection stings but it’s usually just a blow to the ego more than anything. Once you can see it for what it is, rejection doesn’t have to feel so huge and overwhelming. Nobody gets everything they want all the time. It’s just that simple. Try not to let it define you, “Oh, I’m no good… I’m a poor rejected soul that nobody will love…” It’s just not true. Move on, wish them well and chalk it up to a learning experience. You took a chance and everything is going to be OK. Try not to confuse a blow to the ego with heart break. They seem to feel the same as they are both confusing and emotionally charged, however, bottom line is that this doesn’t change who you are. You can tell yourself things like, “they are too shallow or blind” but deciding that there is something wrong with them is still ego driven. The real issue to address is one’s own humility. If a rejection hurts your ego, creating reasons in your head as to why doesn’t help you grow as a person. I suppose in that light, a rejection can be an opportunity to grow up a little emotionally.

2. Alright lets say you had sex with someone and they turn out to have a SMALL penis but you really want to go at it again but IT being small and not having that FULL effect what do you recommend doing. Really wanting to have fun but stuck on what to do. We don’t see each other all the time so when it happens I want to feel good too. Also when a man is small how does it feel to them? (when inside)

Obviously SOMETHING is working as you have stated that you want to see him again. Why not introduce toys into your relationship? If you two have chemistry and enjoy each other then you are already way ahead of many people. There are a number of devices out there that can be enjoyable for both of you. Perhaps you can go shopping together and make a fun date out of the experience. You can also experiment with positions and orally satisfy one another. Talk to your girlfriends and see if any of them have dealt with this situation. Perhaps they can shed some light on a solution.

3. Do you think it is an unreal expectation for a girl to expect her Rock Star boyfriend /husband will be faithful while on the road?

Not at all… The Loch Ness Monster, Ghosts, U.F.O.s and Bigfoot are all real too. (kidding) Not only have I been able to maintain a relationship while on the road for many months, I have seen this done by my band mates as well. It really depends on how strong your relationship is. If someone is going to cheat, they are going to do it regardless of what they do for a living or where they are.

4. My boyfriend and I got into a bit of an argument the other night because I told him that I consider him receiving a lap dance to be cheating, since it’s a half-naked woman grinding on my man. He says that it’s not cheating. What should I do?

Well, that’s a grey area. A lap dance isn’t really “cheating” as it’s essentially a business exchange in the world of erotic arts! Having said that, some women are comfortable with their men receiving them and others are not. This really comes down to the couple’s own guidelines that have been set. I don’t believe there are absolutes in this area, such as “it is” or “it isn’t” cheating. I suppose you can ask him if he is comfortable with some guy dancing and grinding an erection on you! That may exacerbate the issue! HAHA. Often times an agreement can be reached between a couple. I can tell you that when I was married, my wife was OK with it provided she was present. She would not be OK if I was to sneak off and participate on my own. In this situation the couple needs to reach their own agreement as this can be a blurred subject. The real issue isn’t the lap dance. Sometimes men have a negative reaction simply because they are being told that they cannot do one thing or another. This can bring up all kinds of childhood issues and play into their need to leave the nest. If possible, try to reach a compromise.

5. Any advice about how to deal/cope with/get rid of my sister’s boyfriend? (Some background – they’ve been going out for over 10 years, he’s been shitty to her about our family, refused to marry her though they were engaged for years, given her hell about going on holiday with me, given her hell whenever he saw mail with my handwriting on it, general psychological bullying and a year ago he encouraged her to give up a good job to follow him to Australia while he is a student there – she has no job or career now due to being on his visa, etc. etc. Now she wants to marry him after her telling us for years about him being a total shit – my reaction wasn’t so great and now she’s not talking to me…………. I know it’s her life but I can’t help but worry as she is my little sis despite being nearly 40!!!)

Sounds harsh but there is really nothing you can do. Let it go. You have stated how you feel about it and that’s all you can do. Hammering her about the subject is only going to create a wedge between you two and cause even more resentment. She is, after all, a grown woman and it is her life. At this point all you can do is let her know you are there for her and go on with your life and possibly be an example of positivity to her. Sometimes people recoil when they are hit with what “appears to be” an endless string of negative comments. Much like an addict, they are unable to be helped until they are ready to be helped. You can set boundaries in terms of how much interaction YOU have with this guy, but in terms of interfering, you are just setting yourself up for disaster.